Hi all!
It has been over 2 weeks since I have posted last and that is for a variety of reasons, but now I so many rambles I want to share. As most of you may have guessed, by my lack of photos from Barcelona and Switzerland, I did not end up going to either. Yes, this was an extremely hard decision to make but I am still content with my choice. I had many friends here who continued to travel to the exact places I was planning on going and did their whole trips absolutely fine and still, I am content. I know myself and know that I can get very anxious when I do not feel safe. Personally, though I wanted to be fine and listen to my confident self in my previous post, I was scared. I knew that the entire time I was traveling I would have been on edge. I simply would not have been able to enjoy these new places in the way that I wanted to... it felt more of a waste of money for me to go and not truly relax and take in the new trip as I should. On the days that my friends were visiting new countries or the days that I was supposed to be boarding a plane I did a lot of thinking. First, I complained to Sarah, and she did the same, about how much we wanted to be traveling and exploring instead of sitting in our rooms. But then we snapped each other out of it. We are in IRELAND, what are we saying? It is such a shame that I had allowed walking the streets of Cork to become mundane. I love this city and this country. The first month here I could not shut up about the flowers growing out of stone walls that lined the streets and colorful shop fronts and now I was here hiding in my room complaining that my life is crap because I haven't seen enough.
I am 20 years old.
If there is one big thing that I have learned from this experience, it is that I am young. I have so much left to do and learn and see. Yes, I would have liked to have traveled a little more while I was here, but would I truly be a 21st century American if I did not want more than I have? I don't resent that part about me. The yearn to travel and strive for more is what keeps me motivated towards my future goals and I keep those thoughts in the back of my mind as motivation every day. I know that I am going to visit all of the places on my list because I refuse not to. I will not let life get away from me. I will live in the moment and be present and accomplish things that I set out to do. There is no reason, at any stage of your life, for someone to stop dreaming or setting big goals for themselves. Have you always wanted to see Greece? Work hard and do it! Sky dive? Why not! I have met so many amazing people abroad who say YES to life and have inspired me to do the same.
I had made a plan.
Before coming here I thought that I had it all figured out. I knew where I would be in 2, 5, 10 years and was fine with that. Now? I am SO SICK of living life in a routine that doesn't excite me. I thrive off experiences that challenge and terrify me. I reach for things that are way out of my reach because they force me to question if I am able and then make myself proud. I have learned to never stop being there for myself, to take time to listen to my own feelings and mind. To understand what I really want in that moment, but never lose sight of the big picture. I appreciate my hometown and my state and my country in a way that I never have before. I am learning that "home" doesn't always mean where you grew up, but it is somewhere that makes you feel loved, warm and welcome. Cork has become my home these last few months and I know that a piece of my heart will always remain here. With that said, I am extremely eager to be home with my family and friends for Christmas and snuggle with my dog in my comfy bed.
Tomorrow night my friends and I are doing the 12 Pubs of Christmas, an Ireland holiday tradition, which we very excited for. Then, Sarah and I are taking off to Belfast in Northern Ireland for the rest of the weekend! Before this trip, I made a pledge to myself that I would see every part of Ireland and really take the time to cherish the country that I have come to love and I am proud to say that with this last trip I will have kept true to that promise.
Bye for now!
