Friday the 13th.

         I was unaware of what had occurred until receiving a message from my close friend Catherine around 11 pm. She said, "Blessed you aren't in Paris, I love you." I was confused and quickly replied asking what was in Paris, then turned to the friends around me asking the same thing. They informed me that people had been killed and injured and that numerous hostages had been taken. Remembering that my friend Nicole, who had just visited a week before, was in Paris I immediately reached out to make sure she was alright. She assured me that she and the other Bryant students were safe and together. We soon turned on the television to watch the scene unfold live and gain more of an understanding since we had countless questions and what felt like zero answers. I could not fathom what my friends in Paris at the time must have been going through, but I tried to remain strong and positive for them and pray that they would remain safe. During the night, our Bryant Study Abroad director posted on our Facebook wall asking all abroad students to comment and say where they were and that we were safe. My phone continued to go off as the hours went by allowing me to exhale as all my classmates and friends checked in, it did not feel real.

         I can honestly say that I had never felt fear like this, well never **have. I was only in first grade when 9/11 took place. Therefore I do not have many memories of the actual event.. only the war, hostility and fear in years following. The feeling of uncertainty for the future, inability to do anything, anger and terror were all overwhelming and new. The actual threat of danger, paired with the realization that no one around me could say it was all going to be okay or that I was safe ached me to my core. Not knowing what this means for my country back home, my country abroad or the world as a whole is terrifying. However, there is one thing for which I am sure, I will not stop living my life. They, whoever they truly are, want us to be scared. They want us to stop traveling and stop smiling and stop trusting our neighbors and I refuse to do that. I most certainly will remain alert when going to new areas and question my surroundings as I always have. But I will not expect the worst from everyone nor fear what is waiting around every corner. We are stronger than the terrorists and must show them that by continuing to live a life filled with happiness. If they can not scare us, they have no power. I understand that I am young and I do not know what it is like to have my own child living in this unpredictable world. I can see that look in my mother's eyes when I cross a street without looking both ways or stay out an hour later than I had previously promised.. and for that look, I will continue to keep myself safe by making decisions that I believe will protect me. But life is filled with uncertainty and I plan to embrace my future without fear. 

         For those of you who are wondering, I will be going to Barcelona from 1-3 December as planned and flying out of London to come home on December 19th, as well. This experience has taught me to see the beauty in different cultures, the knowledge that is to be gained from seeing new places and that time will pass no matter how I am spending it. These last two months have flown by and I have done all that I can to hold on to every moment, but they do slip away. I will not spend my last few weeks terrified, I will remain smiling at strangers on the street and attempting to savor every last minute that I have on this adventure. I hope that everyone back home will do the same because as this horrible event shows us, lives can be gone in the blink of an eye. Please do not waste yours while you are still lucky enough to have it. 

My prayers are with Paris & everyone whose lives have been affected by this terrible tragedy.